How am I not Myself?

The dark just fell on me today.  I was lying very still on a tiny white couch in my room watching the sun set on the wall.  Three candles pierce it now and this bright ass computer screen.  The sounds from the sky outside remind me of home and lonely spring evenings.  I am finally happy to be alone again.  It took some coaxing and maybe one half of an old friend of mine.  In my room finally in my dark, dark room I have made time stand still.  I played myself like a violin. Where are you tonight?  Finally I don't care anymore.  This warm silky shell is what I had really been missing.  Just me being still listening to the clear night sky. The Cancerian Crab returning to the safety of her fluid dark shell.  "How am I not Myself?   How am I not Myself?   How am I not Myself?"