Mary Oliver wrote something like "You just have to let the warm body of yourself love what it loves." Sometimes you just cannot fight the lust or the love. It is especially difficult when you have not lusted or loved in so long that it is as if you are now doing it for the first time. What a thrill! Even if all the things are completely wrong you still find yourself being swept away. For those of you that suffer relationships often you have no idea what I am talking about, but you can keep reading if you like. One can become invisible you see. Or maybe you do not see. It is a trick after all to isolate oneself from pain and uncomfortable disruption. You can move along with the current as if you were only a bit of sand or broken leaf. You only feel things sliding past you but you never cling or linger. And only the one with the keenest sight might spot you for you are always moving quickly.
I have met a boy. It does not matter who he is because it will never amount to anything. I have learned this lesson enough times to be reasonable. He smells like frankincense for some reason which is odd. Most men smell like cologne, aftershave, sweat, or sometimes just soap. All of which are appealing but Frankincense? I am certain it is not on purpose but that is the scent I smell when he is near me. I want to bite him. Biting is an animal reaction I suppose to chemical attraction. His pheromones are strong but then again I am quite deprived of male acquaintances. I have already seen him cry. He lost his dad last year on my dad's birthday. My dad died about three years ago one week after his own birthday. This boy looks at me a lot. I am trying not to look back.
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